FLAGGING AT MEALTIMES

Grumpy Old Man Blog #31

Don't you just hate children. You look after them, you help them learn about life, you rescue them when they get it wrong, you forgive them, you pick up the pieces, you make food for them, you scrape it off the floor for them afterwards, and then, when you take them to a restaurant, how do they pay you back for all your sacrifices? they get given a unique menu with sausages or fish fingers and chips! And do you think I can join them? Oh no, no sausages or fish fingers for you, because 'they’re for children'! Isn't that ageism? Or parentism? Or grandparentism? It's discrimination anyway.

When I was in Japan, it was just the same. There, the kids also had a flag on a little cocktail stick stuck in their sausage. OK, I didn't mind not having the mini-hamburger and spoonful of spaghetti in tomato sauce, but would they let me have a sausage. No, they wouldn't. I couldn't even get a flag in my dinner. Not even a Zimbabwe flag!

I suppose it's not the children's fault. Maybe it's just the blatant discrimination I rail against. I don't have to have a tiny square plastic plate with a picture of Mr Greedy on it (although I wouldn't mind too much if they gave me one), but, if they have sausages on the menu and if they actually cook them and serve them to some customers, why can't they serve them to me?
 

Of course I don't overly object to eating confit of duck or seabass with lemongrass, but just occasionally a sausage would go down handsomely. And I wouldn't even think of sausages, once I've seen duck on the menu, but then I see 'Children's menu – sausages and chips'. And, now I come to think about it, maybe fish fingers and chips would satisfy my appetite better than seabass. But do you think I can have them? No, of course not; not even if I pay the same price as the seabass! Not even if I bring my own flag (I have a little collection of flags I borrowed from children's plates in Japan). But what sort of criminal, customer-unfriendly, non-service, age- intolerant bigotry is this?

All right, so I don't really hate children. But why do they have to be so smug when they order the fish fingers and then look at you and ask, 'what are you going to have?' Arrggghhhh! Not only that, I noticed a child ordering the duck confit the other day and the waitress said, 'of course, sir.' So they can have my food, but I can't have theirs. And 'sir' to boot!! Not 'little chap' or 'young man' or even 'selfishly usurping whipper-snapper'.

On the other hand, if kids can have the adult meals, who's to know if I order one adult's and one sausage and chips?! Now there's a project for me. I wonder how long it'll take to wean my grandkids onto confit of duck.