Tuesday, 7 August 2012


  • My teeth look white
  • My underpants look white.
  • I look naturally suntanned in colour pics.
  • I have less awkward contrast in b/w pics.
  • I use less Permatan spray.
  • I can go to tonight’s fancy dress party in a lamp shade and dressing gown and keep saying convincingly, ‘conglaturations’.
  • I can celebrate New Year again on 23 January.
  • I can more easily get off with Mrs Chang at the chippy.
  • If you squint a bit, it looks gold.
  • I could save George Lucas a fortune in make-up if he gives me a job as a Givin.
  • I could start a new group to rival the Blue Men Group.
  • I can hide in a bowl of custard.
  • Er . . . . . that’s it.
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