SNOWBOARDOM

Olympic snowboarding, with its arcane language, it’s slightly uninspiring events, its young slang, and it’s reproduction of pretty much all the skiing events, was a closed world to me at first.  But I’ve kept at it and I think I’ve now got the hang of it.  So, for those of you to whom it’s still a bit of a mystery, here’s a beginners’ guide to the usual commentary..

 ‘Here they go!  Whoa!!’

(They’ve started and they’re going downhill quickly.)

‘Oh, wow!  I think there was body contact there!!’

(There are 6 of them and it’s not a very wide slope.)

‘Whooooaa!!!’

(They’re still going downhill.)

‘Awesome!!’

(I like snowboarding.)

‘Oh, look at that!  Whoa!!  Awesome!!!’

(Don’t go and make a cup of coffee just yet.)

(And, by the way, I really like snowboarding.)

‘Ooooooooh!’

(Someone fell over.)

‘Oh, that is just so awesome!’

(Did I tell you I like snowboarding?)

‘Whoa, ho, ho.  Whoooaa!!’

(They jumped in the air and someone else nearly fell over.)

‘Oh, just look at that!’

(Come back; you can make coffee in a minute.)

‘Oh, wow.  I don’t believe it!!  Oh, awesome!!!’

(Yup, snowboarding is my thing.)

‘Woooooow!  Oh, noooo!!’

(Two more people fell over.)

‘I think he’s going to make it into the medals now!’

(There are only three people left in the race, so they will finish first, second and third.)

‘Oh wow!  That’s why this sport is so awesome!!’

(They did indeed finish first, second and third.)

(Oh, and I still like snowboarding.)

(Oh, yes, and you can go and make a cup of coffee now, if you’re still here.)